This week, as a part of my appendectomy recovery process, I had two follow-up appointments with two different doctors; the surgeon who operated on me, and my general practitioner who was a part of the whole process as well (I believe he is also a surgeon, but I am not 100% sure).
My first appointment was on Monday with the surgeon. I had met him in the hospital after the surgery and he was nice enough, but there was a nurse in the room with him when he came to talk to me.
So, I went to my appointment and the surgeon came into the room, solo, to remove my sutures. He had me lay down on the table and removed the sutures; all was normal. Normal until he tapped my stomach and said “you need to get rid of this.” and followed up with comments on how I just needed to stop “eating cookies and candies and cakes” and basically made it sound like I was a pretty girl…BUT.
I told him I knew how to lose weight, I had done it before and I was working on shedding weight from back to back pregnancies, but it had been harder this go round. He smiled, and said “well you can do it”, and that I needed to come see him when “(I) get skinny again”.
Now I am about to be BRUTALLY honest with you, and it is something I am really sensitive about, but I want to give you an idea of what we are dealing with.
I will be the first to admit that I have extra weight to lose. I’m still carrying about 20 pounds of baby weight from both pregnancies. After Bill and I got married I gained a little weight (about 20 pounds). That’s 40 pounds. Truth be told, I should probably lose about 10 pounds on top of that. So a solid 50. Seeing as how I lost over 70 in college I do not find 50 to be a daunting number. But it takes time and it has taken me longer this go-round than before. It’s definitely frustrating. However, I tend to carry all of my weight in my stomach area, and I’ve NEVER had a flat stomach. NEVER (okay, maybe as a little kid but even that was fleeting). Even when I was at my smallest weight still had more than an inch of pinch, but I looked good and felt great so I tried to be okay with it (I’m not sure if I ever was, but that’s a different story for a different day).
Needless to say when I left the office (after he once again said to come see him again if I needed ANYTHING), I was in tears. I went home and obsessed about it all day, much to the chagrin (and outrage) of my friends, family, and everyone else on Facebook. But I couldn’t let it go and finally I realized Bill loved me for who I was and I should start loving myself for who I was and stop giving myself such a hard time about what one dickhead said to me.
Today, I went to my general practitioner, someone I have been seeing since we moved here. He’s a great doctor, I just had not seen him since before I became pregnant with Olivia. When I got into the examination room the nurse came in. I would like to note that this woman was gorgeous, she reminded me of Michaela Conlin. She had long dark hair, tall (an inch or so taller than me, and I’m 5’8) an athletic build (not too thin, not too big, but I am afraid to say “average” because who knows what that means anymore?) She was probably only a bit smaller than I was at my smallest weight (this is important, I promise). She is the size I strive to be.
I told her everything I have just told you about the other surgeon, and she was APPALLED. She kept saying “I’m so sorry you had to deal with that, that was totally uncalled for and not something he had any right to say, you are perfect and the baby weight will come off soon enough. She then told me what had worked for her (LOTS of water and an apple before each meal) and looked so concerned for me. She then mentioned how the name of the surgeon sounded familiar and she couldn’t put her finger on it but she THOUGHT he might be the same surgeon who came on to her when she was at the hospital to give birth to her child. Which would explain A LOT. Maybe he had a type?
I’m not sure what she told the doctor, but he didn’t mention what I said to her, so I can assume that he had no clue as to what went down. My doctor was terrific and told me everything looked great and that we just needed to monitor my gallstones. He told me that most people lost about ten pounds with an appendectomy, (so I have about three to go? ha!). After I joked about how it was the best diet ever and I just hoped to keep up the momentum since I could only eat about 3 ounces at a time. He then told me to take it one day at a time, to not expect more than one pound a week, and to eat small meals and do light exercise until I healed completely (all things I knew, but helpful to hear it from an actual doctor instead of the internet). I left feeling happy and excited instead of depressed and in tears.
YES doctors should discuss weight with their patients if it is a problem, BUT they should make sure they are coming from a medical standpoint. Had a doctor done tests and found that my weight was a problem to my health, I would have been okay discussing it, however since the first doctor made it about how I looked it was TOTALLY uncalled for and not based in fact at all, because there is no one size fits all to health and weight. Since my regular doctor did not comment on it until I mentioned it and then he only gave me points, tips and encouragement, it made me feel comfortable and safe. I also no longer feel like I am an unhealthy slob, because he assured me I was fine and healthy from everything he could tell from my records, vital stats, etc.
Bedside manner DOES matter.