and then there were four…

For the month of May I have been a bit AWOL, but I’m hoping life is going to get itself back on track. I just had my 32 week check-up and since I’m not in the hospital or on bed rest, I would have to say that I’m doing pretty well.

Around my 30 week mark when I was pregnant with Olivia, I had a bit of a scare, which put me on bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy. Right around the beginning of May (and my 30th week) I began to…regress maybe? I was napping more, not feeling motivated to do anything, etc. Some would chalk this up to being pregnant. Partially, I’m sure, but a part of me thinks that I was feeling a little bit of anxiety which morphed into a (manageable) depression that caused me to not want to do the things I love.

I didn’t write (blog or otherwise), read (I have a stack of books I’m waiting to dive into), work on my photo projects, and even more surprising: For the month of May I have taken exactly 50 pictures of my daughter. Sure, that sounds like a lot to most people, but I am (on average) a 150-200 picture a month type of gal. I love to snap photos of my daughter and capture even the most mundane of events with my wonderful camera. I realized last week what was going on, but knew I couldn’t snap myself out of it until I went to my doctor’s office and got the “all clear”.

Luckily, that happened yesterday: for the most part. Everything looks terrific: great blood pressure, not too horrible in the weight-gain department (okay, maybe 5 more pounds than I wanted, but that’s life, right?), heartbeat is strong and loud, baby is currently in head down position, life is great. Except for one small little detail. Apparently when I took my glucose screening test three weeks ago the levels came back slightly elevated. Seriously 1 or 2 points above cut-off. The nurse said that while it was only 1 or 2 points higher than the cut-off, they HAD to stop somewhere, so I couldn’t squeak past the 3-hour tolerance test.

Yep. I have to take a freaking 3-hour glucose tolerance test to rule out gestational diabetes. At first I worried a lot, because that would suck if I did have gestational diabetes. But, the reality is that it is unlikely I do, since I was only 1 or 2 points above the normal range and the fact that even if your levels are elevated, 2/3rds of the women who go in for the 3-hour test turn out NOT to have gestational diabetes. Those are pretty good odds. I can’t help but to be a little nervous, because it is my nature, but, as I told Bill last night: I’m not in a hospital nor am I restricted to laying in bed all day, so I have to start feeling better.

Hopefully this involves more writing, reading and picture taking. Seriously, 50 pictures? That’s just shameful.

So, now I must brag about my daughter’s intelligence. She can count to ten! At 19 months old she can count to ten! How amazing is that? She gets so excited when she gets to ten, and she claps and says “good job!”. She also knows almost every color. She has a bit of trouble with purple (she always wants to say it is blue) and brown. She knows a ton of different animals (and their accompanying sounds), and a lot of different letters (A, B, E, O, K, Z, R–and I’m sure there are more), and still loves to ‘read’ and be read to. The other day she was looking through a book as we were leaving and we told her it was time to go. She looked up at us and said “I’m reading”. She was so serious it was hilarious. We took the book with us and she continued to ‘read’ in the car.

A few weeks ago, Bill was changing her diaper and she was looking out of her bedroom window at a couple of squirrels chasing each other. Pretty soon there was a cat in the mix. She calls cats, “meows”, so she got really excited to see the “meow” and the “squal” playing. A little later Bill is changing another diaper and she only sees the “squal”, so she looks at Bill and says “meow sleeping!”. Now, anytime we see a squirrel, she will point it out and then say “meow sleeping”. How she came to that conclusion, I’ll never know. If she doesn’t see a squirrel out of her window she will also say “squal sleeping”.

She also barely lets me out of her sight these days, and anytime I am at my computer (like right now) she spins me around in the chair, saying “mama, mama?” and wants my attention. Which is why I need to wrap this up :o)

I am constantly amazed at her brilliance. Sure I’m biased, but aren’t all parents?

I never thought I would enjoy watching someone grow and learn as much as I am. It is so amazingly wonderful. I love being a mom, and hopefully my funk has cleared enough for me to focus on the good things, and not worry so much about what might happen.

Yesterday, Bill and I celebrated our 4-year wedding anniversary. For the first time in almost two years, we went out together, without Olivia. It was weird. Eventually we’ll be able to go out without any children (haha), but that small baby step was enough for now.

My brother-in-law and (may as well be) sister-in-law came over and hung out after we put Olivia down for the night. Bill and I went to this really great restaurant where there was nary high chair in sight, no children’s menu, nor an offering of grilled cheese, chicken fingers, or any other kid-friendly fare. Rumor has it that you could request a children’s menu, but we both agreed we couldn’t have imagined bringing a child to this place. Granted it was probably louder than any family-friendly restaurant we’ve been to, and some of the adults acted like children, but we were able to sit, eat, converse and I wasn’t worried about applesauce on the tablecloth, cheese on the floor, or juice being spilled across the table. It was…different.

After dinner we went to see Iron Man. It was awesome. I commented to Bill how the last movie we saw together in the theater (before Olivia was born) was Superman, and now, before this baby, Iron Man. Kind of funny. We did go to a drive-in after Olivia was born, but the theater experience was one I hadn’t had in almost two years.

While dinner for two was terrific, and the movie was awesome on the ‘big’ screen, both Bill and I agreed that it isn’t something we feel we are missing. Don’t get me wrong: we enjoyed our time together, and it was nice to just hold hands and walk together again. I hadn’t realized I had missed it until I grabbed his hand as we walked around last night, but our life is so much more complete when we are walking with Olivia and she says “dada…hand” and then, after she grasps his hand, she looks up at me and says, “mama…hand”. That is our life, and I don’t think either one of us would change one thing about it. I don’t feel like I need a “date night” every week, or even every month. Give Olivia 5 or 6 years and she will want to spend the night at someone’s house, away from us–this baby inside of me will follow shortly after. I am just enjoying every second of being around her, even if it is while she sleeps.

Our anniversary was a special day for us and I am so very thankful we were able to enjoy it together, which is maybe why I am so reluctant to want to do it more frequently. You know the whole idea of enjoying something more because it is a rare treat. Maybe that’s what I liked so much about last night: it was a rare treat that we don’t take for granted. As hokey as it sounds, I feel that way about Bill. He is such an amazing husband and my best friend (something that is unfortunately rare in many relationships), that I try to make sure I don’t take that for granted. I’m one lucky person.

I’m also one hormonal person. I just reread my post…I’m so emotional it made me want to cry and I knew exactly what I had just typed. Bill sent me flowers yesterday along with the sweetest little note attached and I just bawled. Olivia looked at me like I was crazy because I was laughing and crying at the same time and I kept saying “Mama’s okay, I’m just happy.” I couldn’t stop crying. I watch commercials, I cry.

I am also feeling kind of overwhelmed right now. I have this amazing friend who wanted to throw me a baby shower, and I realized (much to my chagrin) that I only had about 10 people I wanted to invite (or that I thought would be able to come to my baby shower) and over half of the list was family who had mentioned they wanted to get me stuff after the baby was born so they could be gender-specific. I felt kind of depressed that I didn’t have more friends in my general area, and that made me feel overwhelemed. THEN I realized that if I had a baby shower I would have to be around a group of people for a few hours and all attention would be on me and my belly, and THAT made me want to have a panic attack, so I explained this all to my amazingly understanding friend and we decided to take that day and just spend it together, which makes me much happier. I can’t explain it, I mean, the idea of a baby shower before you have the baby is like “aww, how fun” and I did have one when I was pregnant with Olivia. However, I also remember how emotional I was as soon as everything was over, and I just burst into tears because of some silly realization that I would have a baby in 3 months. This time around I was afraid that I would be freaking out sooner, since the shower would have been 1 month before the baby was born. I don’t know, I feel a bit more emotional this go-round, if that is at all possible.

Miss Olivia has awakened from her slumber–I’m off for now.