and then there were four…

My husband and I are in our mid-to-late 20s (damn, even typing it is depressing). We have many childless friends. One major thing they always ask us is how we “do things” now that we are parents. Even sadder is the fact they assume we cannot do fun things anymore because we have a baby.

No, my husband and I can’t just run out and go clubbing on the weekends, get shit-faced and stay hungover the entire weekend. But, the reality is, we never did that kind of thing in the first place. We live the same life we led before our daughter was born, with a few minor lifestyle changes.

Here’s the breakdown:

Restaurants: We usually go when there isn’t a rush if we can help it. We bring food for our child, toys, etc. If she is fussy, we don’t go. If she gets fussy mid-meal (which BTW has not happened as of yet) we have a game plan. One of us will take her out to the car, while the other one gets the meal boxed up and pays the check. We can finish our meal at home. We totally understand that people go out to restaurants to have a good time and do not want to hear a very loud crying baby. This is not to say that you should expect no fussiness or normal baby-noise. It’s usually quite harmless and often very cute (in my own opinion). We do not go to restaurants that are not child friendly. We never really did. Not that we snubbed them, we just hate dressing up for the purpose of eating.

Just this week we went to a sushi restaurant that we have been wanting to try. We went on a Wednesday at 5:45 p.m. We were one of three other cars in the parking lot. When we we entered the restaurant, we noticed that there were screens dividing each table. You couldn’t even see what was going on at each individual table unless you stood up and peered over. We ordered our meal and our daughter played with her book. It was early so she wasn’t ready for her dinner yet, so she just drank from her sippy cup, played with her toys and watched us eat. I started mashing up rice to give her, and she was happy with that. We were almost done with our dinner when a couple walked in who were about the same age as we were. They were childless and the waiter went to seat them near our table (about three tables away, actually) the woman started complaining about the sun from the window, so they waiter tried to seat them at a different table when the guy looked over our way and said (quite loudly, I might add) “I don’t want to sit next to the baby”. So he moved them across the restaurant.

Fine. You don’t have to sit next to the baby. However, how stupid is that? Our baby had not made a peep since he had walked in. If anything, she was craning her neck all around to see what they were fussing about (because they were being loud enough to peak her interest away from my straw–which is hard work, believe me). I guess what bugged me about it was the insinuation that their meal would be ruined by having to sit in the same general vicinity as a baby. I could totally understand if our child was loud and crying and being obnoxious. And if our baby had started acting up after they had had been seated, sure, ask to be reseated. But, to make such a fuss about nothing seemed a waste of energy.

Shopping: My daughter loves to go shopping, she loves to see new people and new things, she has NEVER had a meltdown in a shopping mall (knock on wood). It is hard to shop with her when I am alone, because she likes to touch things (and I don’t like her to pull things from the racks–obviously). However, it can be done. There are dressing rooms that are large enough to accommodate a baby stroller, and she loves looking at the “mirror baby” while mama tries on different things. I don’t do it often, just because I’m not in the market for lots of new clothes until I get the weight off, but when I need something for an occasion, it can be done. I stop and feed her when necessary, although as she has gotten older, the need to nurse in public has gone down dramatically. Grocery shopping is just as fun, because she is interested in all of the different things around her. She is very content with just people-watching. Our game-plan for fussiness is the same as restaurants. Just pay for what you have and call it a day. In a dramatic situation you would drop what you want and come back for it later. It’s really not that hard.

Movies: My husband and I are big movie fans. We have a huge DVD collection (539 titles at last count) and we typically watch most of them at home. Unless a movie warrants the big screen, we just wait until it is out on DVD. However, summertime is movie-time and there are many big-screen releases that just DEMAND a big screen viewing. We thought about it. And thought some more. We were not taking a baby to the theater. That was just not going to happen. We HATED it when people would bring their little ones to a big loud movie and you would hear them cry during an intense (or not so intense) moment. It didn’t seem fair to drag a baby into a theater where they couldn’t do anything bit sit in the dark. I read about “baby movie time” where a theater offered screenings of movies for parents in dimly lit theaters that had changing stations and other baby-friendly amenities. It was an idea. But. We didn’t really want to hear some other child cry during a movie. Call us crazy. But, a movie theater is a reasonable place to assume quiet. Does that make us hypocrites?
Then, a friend of mine mentioned she took her boyfriend’s niece to the Drive-in. DRIVE-INS! Yes! One problem. They are almost completely eradicated in our area, right? It took some sleuthing, and a 26 mile drive, but last night (opening night!) we saw Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At World’s End. At $7.50 each it was cheaper than the regular movie theater. We were snug in our own car, our daughter could babble and play with her toys, we didn’t have to hear anyone else and aside from the trashy couple in the car next to us making out, we were completely oblivious to everything else. The soundtrack was piped into our car via our own radio–it was grand. Definitely something we will do again.

Travel: A little more prep-time is involved. Can’t just toss a few things in an overnight bag to go visit the grandparents or throw things in the suitcase to jump on a plane. Lists are made to make sure you haven’t forgotten anything and checking and double-checking to make sure there are extra diapers in the carry-on bags or that favorite toys or warmer sweaters are packed are important now. Flying is a little more labor-intensive because I have to carry a baby along with all the extra carry-on baggage, however: now I get to board the plane first. We will take our first “family vacation” to Seattle in August. We’ll see how that goes, but overall, traveling now is just a little bit more work than it was before. But now I have someone to keep me occupied on the long flights. It doesn’t hurt that she is just plain adorable and personable and people seem to love her.

I guess the reality is that we can do anything we want to do because we understand that we are parents, and that it isn’t about what we “can’t” do anymore. Why have a child in the first place if you complain about the things you miss out on? Look at all we’ve gained! We have slobber kisses and babbles of “mama” and “dada”, we have mischievous grins and bounces on our knees. I could go on forever on what I have gained as a parent. My husband and I understand that we may not be able to jet off last minute to Vegas, but as cheesy as it may sound, we’ve already won more than we ever did in Vegas.

I make my daughter’s baby food. I breastfeed her, yes, but I also buy fresh fruits and vegetables, cook them, blend them and feed them to her. It’s something I am quite proud of. Call me a geek, but even before I was pregnant I thought it would be really kick ass to do, and now I am a baby food culinary expert. So to speak.

We have been trying to find a green vegetable my daughter will enjoy. She didn’t like green peas. We thought she liked green beans, but it was a one-time event (she must have been hungry). Both vegetables were fresh-frozen organic produce, that my husband and I eat. In fact, I tasted the pureed stuff, just to make sure it was edible (because why would I feed it to my child if I wouldn’t eat it?). They all tasted fine. Needed a bit of salt, but babies don’t know that, so why wouldn’t she like it? So we didn’t push it and kept feeding her sweet potatoes, carrots, bananas, apples, peaches, mangoes, (see where I’m going?) Basically, all of your yellow and orange fruit.

I take pictures of her almost daily. One photo, I thought I saw an orange hue to her skin. MAYBE she really didn’t look like an oompa loompa. MAYBE (just maybe) I was overreacting, but I thought that I really should try to find a green vegetable or two that wouldn’t cause her to make a face.

Spinach! Yes, I thought, spinach is a good, green vegetable, and I assumed when pureed it would be smoother than the other green veggies (maybe it was a texture thing? I wanted to cover all my bases). So I de-ribbed and chopped fresh organic spinach. I cooked it on the stove for five minutes as directed. I pureed in my blender. I sniffed. It smelled gross. I love fresh spinach salad, and even sauteed spinach, but apparently stewed and pureed spinach became a whole other vegetable.

“I can’t feed her this.” I complained to my husband. “It’s just not right, if I can’t taste it, how can I in good conscience give it to her?”

He laughed at me and wanted to know if it was really “that bad”

I held out the bowl and spoon. He sniffed.

“Doesn’t it smell like her bad baby breath?” I asked him

He looked at me and shook his head. “Nothing smells that bad, but this is pretty gross smelling.”

I looked at my little girl, sweet potatoes already on her face, awaiting her second course. She smiled at me. Surely I wasn’t going to make her eat this, was I?
I mixed in a little baby cereal with it, maybe it would absorb some of the odor. I sighed and said “I can’t have you looking like an oompa loompa. Please don’t hate me. I promise, it is good for you.”

I stuck the spoon in. She tasted and swallowed. She looked up at me, opened her mouth, and SMILED. She gobbled more of the spinach-cereal mixture, ate it all until I was scraping the side of the bowl.

“Hey, he likes it, hey Mikey!” my husband joked.

For lunch today I took some leftover rice we had for dinner the night before, mixed it with the spinach and pureed. She ate that too.

Of all the green vegetables, in all the world, my child had to like the one that was the foulest smelling when stewed and pureed.

I’ll be buying fresh-frozen spinach from now on. Five ounces of fresh spinach made about a cup of puree. Plus I had to sit and de-rib it. Much to much work for a tiny cup of puree. Reminded me of my early pumping days.

Now I understand playpens, baby gates and other devices sold to keep children corralled.

My little sweet girl, who used to be so content playing on her blanket, rolling over and grabbing her toys, is now scooting on her tummy like a marine during boot camp.

Hilarious, yes, scary, oh yes. It is times like this I am so glad to have a small apartment: at least she can only go so far. You wouldn’t think someone so small could get somewhere so fast by scooting on her tummy, but it takes no time at all for her to be where she shouldn’t be: vying for her daddy’s PlayStation, under his desk (where there are interesting plugs), the DVD collection.

I don’t want to be one of those parents who “put away the pretties” as my mom likes to say. She pointed out that if you don’t teach her not to touch things she will think everything is open for her investigation, and if we go to other people’s homes who haven’t childproofed, it would be disastrous. My mom is a wise one, eh? So we’re trying to use the word “NO” and not smile when say it, because it is hilarious to say it to someone so cute who has no idea what the crap you are talking about.

Not so hilarious when she starts to cry because you took her away from something interesting. It’s impossible to explain it to a 7 month old.

Her little scoot is so adorable, she looks like she is dragging a bum leg.

No matter what you give your child, they will still want what they can’t have.

This is something that I can assume will be a common theme throughout my child’s life. It still strikes me as amusing.

My daughter has tons of toys. Lots of blocks, rings, stackers, stuffed animals, books, even a baby cell phone. Anything to help stimulate her little noggin and develop her motor skills. Her favorite toy? An old remote control. After tiring of pulling our remotes, phones or whatever out of her grasp, we finally decided to remove the batteries from one of the old remotes and give it to her. She LOVES it. She still wants the other remotes (apparently one remote is not enough for her) but it does pacify her for the most part.

Speaking of pacifying, she no longer wants a pacifier (didn’t you just love that transition?). Not that she ever really used a pacifier, she would suck on one to sleep, and when she was smaller she liked it, but no more. I suppose I should be happy, one less thing I have to wean her from. And I am happy, but sometimes being able to pop a pacifier in her mouth would solve many problems. ha ha Weaning her from the breast is going to be a WHOLE other ordeal, I’m sure. I don’t even want to think about it. My husband has already asked me how I think I am going to go about it, and I told him that I have a good half a year to worry about it so I’m not going there.

To be honest, right now, I don’t want to wean her. I love the closeness of nursing, we may not look lovingly into each others eyes all the time, but we do have our own little fun. I just love the way her eyes light up when I smile at her as she nurses. Her grin when something makes her laugh, nipple halfway in her mouth, or the way she nuzzles me and how she smells right after she’s finished.

It’s so beautiful to know that she is growing and thriving because of what I can do for her. One might argue that it is a power-trip to breastfeed. In a way, I suppose it is. Knowing that no one else can give her what you can give her, that does make you feel kind of powerful. But, at the same time, knowing that NO ONE ELSE can give her what you can give her is very exhausting. I seriously applaud those women who are nursing, working mothers, or those mothers who HAVE to pump b/c they want their baby to get the breast milk but are unable to nurse for one reason or another. I don’t think I could do that. Pumping is hard work (at least, for me), and I’m sure having to juggle doing it while on your break, or at lunch; I would imagine it would be doubly hard. I think the most amazing part is how far my daughter and I have come. We had so much trouble in the beginning, and knowing that she can nurse any which way just makes me so happy.
Our newest hurdle however is the fact that she has FINALLY cut her first tooth (and now, her second is coming in). She does pretty well not biting, I just hope that keeps up, I don’t want anything to come in between us nursing (I don’t think she would let it). It is just so surreal that she is hitting all of these milestones, it seems way too fast. I don’t ever want to look back and think that I missed something, so I try to enjoy everything (even the poopy diapers).

I never thought I could love someone as much as I do my child. I called my mom yesterday and told her that I finally understood what she was saying all these years. I got it.

Happy Mother’s Day to all of you who are moms, soon-to-be moms, or one-day moms. I hope you “get it” too :)