and then there were four…

I went for the “big” ultrasound this past Monday. After waiting for 2 freaking hours in the waiting room, a very cranky me and my husband finally got to the doctor’s office. I got the normal blob of goop on my tummy and the not-so-normal hard pushing of the ultrasound wand (or whatever it is called). I swear the doctor took my breath away with how hard he was pushing on my stomach. I suppose he had to get through to the uterus or something, but damn it hurt. Before he could even touch me, I told him we didn’t want to know what the sex of the baby was, we wanted a surprise. (more on that later)

Aside from the unpleasantness, we were able to see the baby is growing nicely; all four chambers of the heart have good blood flow, as does the umbilical cord. The baby weighs in at around one pound and the brain is growing and doing what it is supposed to do. Apparently the little one is located on my right side at this point, in breach position, but the doctor said that was pretty normal and the baby would move around before it was time to be born. We saw a shot of the baby’s face—the kid has a big head (around 5 centimeters, apparently).

The doctor commented how it was a good thing we didn’t want to know the sex of the baby, because it was moving around so much and the umbilical cord was right in the general genital region, so there was no way for him to tell. However, he was able to tell me that my due date is right on track—so I am due on October 24, and I am currently 21 weeks pregnant (21 ½ to be precise—haha).

This kid is a mover, I feel those sweet little tumbles in my tummy every day, and it makes me happy to know that everything is going so well for us. I just pray everything continues to go as well as it is right now. I could care less if it is a boy or girl; my only wish is for a healthy baby.

Apparently, I’m starting to show a bit now, and a lady at work cracked up because she said every day I am looking more and more pregnant. I thought a comment like that would make me feel cranky (and who knows next time someone says it, it might) but it actually made me feel good. Like, even though my belly doesn’t have that basketball-like quality to it yet, I’m still quite proud of it, even if some of the weight is from before I was pregnant. Despite that, there is a baby inside of there that is growing, that I am helping nourish and make strong enough to live on its own. That is kind of breath-taking—and I should be proud of my tummy. That doesn’t mean that you can just come up to me and touch it. Like I said earlier, a girl likes to be asked.

So, I was wrong about the “big ultrasound” it isn’t until June 12 (I got my dates all mixed up) so I’ll fill you in then.

I got an email from a very good friend of mine who asked me what it was like to be pregnant. As I was typing an answer, I realized that I haven’t been able to pinpoint a lot of it, and I’m sure that this isn’t totally all of what I feel, but it was good enough to repost here, so for your reading pleasure…

How does it feel to be pregnant? Physically? I’m exhausted, I feel uncomfortable in my own body most of the time, I’m not far enough along to have the “benefits” of pregnancy from the general public, since I am only starting to “look” that way–so I sometimes feel the need to say “i’m pregnant” in order to explain my chubby self. (haha–I’ve always been so self-conscious about my tummy, it is hard to believe people are going to want to touch it soon) I’ve started feeling some funny movements inside, I can’t tell if it is the baby or not. I THINK that’s what it is. It is funny to feel. It feels like you are on a rollercoaster. That’s the best way to describe it.

Emotionally, I’m drained, I move from highs to lows, crying to laughing…Not every minute or even everyday, mind you, but I have my moments. I’m forgetful and clumsy. But I’m intensely happy. Happier than I’ve ever been in my life. That’s what is so weird. You would think that you would be unhappy, all these weird changes going on, but you aren’t–you just feel so complete, so full, so amazed that your body is creating this person that is going to be born sooner than you feel you are ready. Before, I thought it was so selfish to want to “create” a human, like that is the ultimate ego-trip, you know? Not to say I didn’t want a child, exactly the opposite, but I used to question how people with children would say it is such a pure, unselfish act, because, how can it be? You are passing on your genes into another person, ensuring that you will (if the lineage continues), be immortal in a sense. How is that being unselfish?…But, I’m only starting to hit the tip of the iceberg in what they were REALLY saying.

It is like, you haven’t even met this person, you don’t know what type of person they will ultimately be, but you know that you would kill, steal and die for this person. Like no one else you ever promised to do that for. You know that this tiny little baby will change everything, and as scared as you are of the change, you can’t wait to hold it in your arms and feel its tiny little hand grab your finger and hold on. You know at that moment, you will be complete.

Yes, I’m sure I’m romanticizing it a bit, but ultimately, that’s it. The rest is really insignificant.