Sammy Sosa commercials aside, Monday marked a new milestone for my husband and I. We went to the doctor and saw the baby: really saw our baby, not just a blob on the screen. We could make out the head, tummy, eye sockets, it was so beautiful. The doctor even did an over-the-head shot so we could see the tiny little arms and hands. I almost cried. I would have, but it’s kind of hard to do when you have a camera up your vagina.

 

Unfortunately, they couldn’t pick up the heartbeat on the Doppler, but, the nurse said she thought the baby was hiding behind the placenta. Yes, that’s our child, like a tiny hobbit, hiding in its hobbit-hole. But, next time we should definitely be able to hear the heartbeat. It’s enough for now that I saw it beating on the screen.

 

I’ve been thinking a lot lately how this child is going to change my life, our life. The greatest part is, I can’t think of one “change for the worst” situation, not one. That makes me truly happy: that we are so content in our life, that bringing this baby into the world is only going to add to that.

 

Yes, I am aware that there will be 2 a.m. feedings, most of my clothes will be permanently stained with spit up and I will survive on little-to-no sleep. But, those are so insignificant in the long run. I am going to give birth to a baby, a child that will grow and learn and be a part of this world. I want so much for this baby to just be happy, I don’t care how much money we have, or don’t have, I want this baby to know how loved they already are.

 

We were also given a pamphlet on doing genetic blood testing the next time we come in, to check for any genetic problems or possibility of said problems. While I understand that no test results will make me change my mind about how much I love this child, I think it is important to take the tests. If there is a problem you have the time to prepare yourself for the birth and long-term care needs, etc. Most people don’t have the tests because they are going to have the baby regardless, as are we, but, the birth is going to be stressful enough without the added “surprise”.

 

Regardless, this baby will be loved, cared for and treated the way any child should be treated. On the flip-side, the tests could very well give me the peace of mind needed to get through the next 6 months. Aside from that, many women take these tests, the results are positive and they go on to have very healthy babies with no genetic problems. The blood test is simply an indicator that there COULD be issues, after a positive, the doctor has to ascertain if there is a need for further testing. My doctor seems really happy with the pregnancy thus far and says that we are really healthy, so I’m not too worried.

 

In other baby news: I’m finally out of the first trimester. Today marked 13 weeks, and I couldn’t be happier. The baby is going to start really growing now, as am I.

Okay, I sort of feel like a fraud. I’m almost 3 months pregnant, and I’ve already started wearing maternity pants–because they are so damn comfy. I know I’m not showing, & I haven’t gained much weight, but everything is just so tight in the middle. I can’t take zipping or buttoning anything up anymore, and I feel like I’m cheating somehow–is that bizarre or what?

But, I honestly can’t see myself putting money into bigger sized clothing that I know I won’t wear after the baby (well, I hope I won’t, anyway), so the smart option (in my opinion) are those panel maternity pants. They stretch with you. They tell you to buy your current size and then the pants just stretch to fit your expanding belly. I swear they are just so comfortable; it’s almost like wearing your pajamas to work.

Maybe I’m not a fraud; maybe I’m just ahead of the game and making myself as comfortable as possible since I’m incubating life. Whatever, the pants still rule.

I know it’s just the beginning, but unsolicited advice really bugs the piss out of me. Seriously–do I care how bad it is going to get in a few months, or the fact that it is “just the beginning”? No I don’t. You asked me how I felt at that moment. I told you. Don’t freaking tell me that “you don’t know what big is” or “you’re just starting, just wait until such-and-such”. I’m just going to start smiling and say “fine”. That’s it people, you’ve lost the right to know how I am REALLY feeling (and I’m sure most of you are breathing a big heavy sigh of relief).

I’ve deduced that people just want someone to give their advice to, and they assume that the pregnant woman gives a shit about what they have to say on various pregnancy subjects.

Also: Don’t touch my damn stomach. I’m barely three months pregnant, my baby is the size of fig, any bulges are my own, or the product of bloat. I’m close to the end of my first trimester and I’ve gained about 6 lbs. This is not baby belly. Besides that, even if it was, don’t touch my stomach unless you are a close friend or family member. Even then–A girl likes to be asked. Seriously, you didn’t touch me before, what the crap makes you think I want to be touched right now, when I’m crampy and gross and feeling like the most unattractive person in the world?

Now that I’ve vented about that–

I love baby clothes-they are so adorably tiny. My grandparents-in-law gave us the cutest little baby jumper this weekend, and it is taking everything I have not to go out and buy tons of clothes. I’m restraining, lest I go bankrupt.

Food tastes so much better when you are pregnant; however, I find that I am unable to eat just anything. If I can’t pinpoint what it is I want, I don’t want to eat anything else. I’ve also tried to eat smaller meals or at least not full portions when I do eat– because I get terrible tummy aches.

Wow, I feel much better. Now I’ll go do some laundry.